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Reviewed by: Shannon L. D. Pringle

Diana Cage is one of a handful of sex writers who challenge and change the way readers think about sex. With a mountain of sex guides on the market, I look for books that have something new to say, not so much in terms of sexual positions and sexual techniques, but books that challenge your sexual biases in ways that transform you into a different person. Cage's latest contribution, Threeways: Fulfill Your Ultimate Fantasy, takes the reader on a sexy, diverse, and intelligent romp through the world of the threeway, or multiple partner sex. Diana Cage lives and writes in the North American mecca of sex-positive and queer culture, San Francisco, and though she regards herself as "primarily a lesbian"(9) there is nothing exclusive about her approach to sex. Threeways is written for everyone, regardless of sex, gender presentation, orientation or identity and encourages great sex in whatever combination of partners you find appealing.

Threeway sex, or sex with more than one partner at a time, is a popular fantasy in our sexual culture, but how do you go about making this fantasy into reality? Is a threeway something that will enhance your sex life or should it remain a fantasy? What are some of the pitfalls? Are there different things to consider if you are single or in a couple? Where do you find willing partners? What are your boundaries? What are some things you can do when you have another body to play with? If you find yourself having sex with a person of a gender that you aren't accustomed to, does this affect your identity? These are some of the topics that Cage tackles in Threeways, with such infectious enthusiasm for all things sexual that it is hard not see the erotic potential in challenging the conventions of what she describes as our "very heterocentric, couple-centric and monogamy-centric society"(5).

Cage infuses Threeways with aspects of her own diverse sexual experiences, and includes snippets from the many people she has interviewed. Her honesty and delightfully randy sensibility makes this one of the most intimate sex guides I have ever encountered. It is in this intimate and unabashed way that Cage challenges us all, queer or straight, to examine our notions of labels, identity, queerness, gender, sexual fluidity, to stop policing the "boundaries of each other's queerness or straightness oranythingness" (14) and to "let go of some of our sexualrigidity"(14). After all, as she says: "threeways have a way of obliterating gender roles and sexual preferences, and opening up our views of ourselves as sexual creatures"(11). She revisits these ideas throughout the book, and there are a number of great quotations that should be printed on buttons and t-shirts, so they sink into our culture. One example is her response to the fear that many straight men have about the inherent queerness of anal play and that if they enjoy their girlfriend's finger up their butt it means that they are gay (10). She says: "Well, unless that finger is actually a penis, and that penis is attached to a guy, and you want that penis all the time and lose interest in the girlfriend, you probably aren't gay (10). My favorite quote is taken from a small section titled "Your Anatomy is Not Your Destiny" where Cage touches on gender as a social construction; how it influences our lives and the kinds of sex we think are appropriate to engage in. She wraps up with these words: "Some of the hottest boys I've ever had sex with have the same parts as I do. And here's a little known secret: I've turned more than one straight boy into a screaming girl" (97).

Successful threeway sexual experiences, where all parties involved have a good time physically and emotionally, take thought, good communication, some planning, the observation of people's boundaries, and good sexual etiquette.

Diana Cage's love for good threeway sex is evident on every page of this information-packed guide, but her enthusiasm for it does not distract her from pointing out some of the hazards, and the importance of continually checking in with yourself as you go through the process from finding willing partners to actually having sex with them. Some highlights: Do not let your partner, or anyone else, talk you into a threeway unless it really interests you. If you are part of a couple and you want to remain part of a couple, don't engage in a threeway unless your relationship is strong. Don't engage in a threeway unless your self-esteem is intact. Examine and know your boundaries. Practice good dating skills.

Once you have established your desires and considered their implications, Cage provides lots of tips for finding willing partners and cruising as a couple or a single. She covers places to meet people, searching online, the swingers' scene, hiring a sex worker and devotes a whole chapter on the dos and don'ts of attending sex parties. Her inclusion of the latter two are important, as sex work is highly marginalized and reviled in our culture, and there is more to sex parties than showing up and having sex. Cage's anatomical review of the vulva, penis, and butt splices anatomical terms with her hip casual style, so that it is never dull. Who knew that the clitoris had eighteen parts!

Her chapter "Brush Up Your Sex Skills" is a great review for everyone, and a good place to start if you are going to be having sex with a gender you aren't accustomed too. Her recap of basic techniques in "How To Go Down On A Woman" is so succinct that it could be read while waiting in traffic. If you like what she has to say as much as I do, follow it up with her last book Box Lunch: The Layperson's Guide to Cunnilingus. She also reviews how to seductively kiss, a sorely neglected activity in our genitally focused culture, the genderbending fun of using a strap-on for vaginal or anal intercourse or a silicone blow job(118) and how to fist. In the following chapters she gives an overview of using sex toys to enhance threeway play, a brief introduction to BDSM, how to give a good spanking, role playing, the importance of safer sex, plus the numerous sexual positions three bodies can explore.

I have read a lot of Diana Cage's work and I have only questioned her choice of words once; and that is in this book, in the section on "Power Play". In this section she is describing some possible scenes to enact in a threeway and she finishes by writing; "or you can tie someone up and leave them there while the other two of you get Chinese food" (131). I think she's joking but just to clarify: you should never, ever leave someone bound and unattended. If being tied up and abandoned for a bit is a big turn-on for one of your lovers, you can always blindfold them, walk to the door, open it and shut it again and stand there very quietly watching them squirm. They never have to know you're in the room and they are never left in any kind of danger.

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