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Every Friday, sex educator and author Patrick Califia answers a question from our customers on the Venus Envy website as the Venus Envy Advisor. This is very popular feature of our site, but we thought it would be fun to bring you the 'best of' every newsletter. The letter below was our favorite from the past couple of months—enjoy!

Dear Patrick,

I can no longer have an orgasm by clitoral stimulation. Touching it hurts! I am getting off just fine when my partner fucks me, but masturbation or oral sex are no longer pleasurable. I had an operation to remove a cyst on my ovary. Could this cause problems with my clitoris? I don't see how, but this is the only major thing that's changed in my life. My partner really knows how to work my G-spot, and I love penetration, but we are both pretty inventive in bed, and he's bummed out. Me too. Any ideas?

— Crabby Clit


Dear Crabby Clit,

If you are prone to ovarian cysts, you may have a medical condition that causes your body to have higher than normal levels of testosterone. Your clitoris could be in pain because it is growing. Have your doctor check your hormone levels. I would also get tested for infections that might affect your clitoris as well as your vagina. You can get a case of thrush (yeast overgrowth) under the clitoral hood, and the little man in a boat might be affected by bacteria, Chlamydia, herpes, genital warts, or trichomoniasis. Your partner should use gloves and condoms until you make sure you don't have anything transmissible.

If you are waxing or shaving your pussy, you might want to take a break and see if that helps. Did you get an extra-strong vibrator recently? If so, use it over a layer of fabric instead of directly on your clit. You could be having an allergic reaction to shampoo, soap, or cosmetics. Make sure you are wearing cotton underwear, and wash your clothes in a hypoallergenic detergent. (No bleach, please.) Don't douche with commercial solutions—they are too harsh and can irritate your sensitive vulva.

Another potential culprit is lubricant. Some women develop a sensitivity to one of the many ingredients in lube. Glycerin is a common irritant. Nonoxynol-9 will set just about anybody's parts on fire, as well. Check with your local women's sex shop or website and order an allergy-free lubricant. Oh, and here's a last-minute news flash: I personally can't tolerate oral sex if my partner has brushed his teeth. That minty-fresh toothpaste that makes his mouth feel so fresh and lovely does nothing good at all to my nether regions. Mouthwash too.

Love and love taps,
YOUR ADVISOR
Patrick Califia

Patrick Califia is a widely published author and a marriage and family therapist who practices in San Francisco, California.

Join Ivan Coyote for a night of story telling and readings.
Ivan Coyote was born and raised in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory. An award-winning author of four collections of short stories and a renowned performer, Ivan's first love is live storytelling, and over the last twelve years she has become an audience favourite at music, poetry, spoken word and writer's festivals from Anchorage to Amsterdam. The Globe and Mail called Ivan "a natural-born storyteller" and Ottawa X Press said "Coyote is to CanLit what k.d. lang is to country music: a beautifully odd fixture." Toronto Star praises Coyote's "talent for sketching the bizarre in the everyday", and Quill's Magazine says Ivan has a "distinctive and persuasive voice, a flawless sense of pacing, and an impeccable sense of story." Ivan is a columnist for Xtra West magazine, writes regularly for The Georgia Straight and CBC Radio, and pops up in periodicals all across the continent. Ivan is currently at work writing a graphic novel with her cousin, artist and illustrator Dan Bushnell, and recording a CD of live stories with music by songwriters Veda Hille, Dan Mangan, and Rae Spoon. Her first novel, Bow Grip, was released in the fall of 2006.
March 7
8pm
Suggested donation $5-10

Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation
by Jamye Waxman
Seal Press, 2007

Reviewed by Megan Butcher
www.asteroideapress.com

A good masturbation book is a handy thing to have. For years, the standbys have been Sex For One (Betty Dodson) and For Yourself (Lonnie Barbach). Both are good books, and have their fans. Sex For One often reads more like a polemic on how to live a romantic life with yourself than a how-to, though it certainly has tips as well. For Yourself is written by a therapist, and it shows in the exercises the comforting tone. These books are both good as choices, but as the only choices? A third couldn't hurt.

And Getting Off doesn't. But it could have helped more.

Waxman worked at Babeland (an educational sex store) for five years, the chapters where she discusses toys are by far the strongest. Most helpful are the reviews of a good selection of toys with detailed but not too wordy explanations. She also names the manufacturer for each toy. This may seem like a small detail, but it will get you the toy you want much faster, no matter if you're walking into a local store or browsing online.

She also does a credible job of placing masturbation in its cultural context. Though I might have put the chapters dealing with this at the beginning rather than the end, it's important to understand the ways in which masturbation has been understood and considered taboo. While not guide-book material, per se, this history is an important piece of the puzzle.

Her chapter on masturbation techniques is likewise good. She offers a lot of ideas and encourages women to get creative with them. I liked "The Beginner Basics" section (p. 52) particularly: the drawings are cute, and it's a great basic template for either learning how to touch yourself for the first time, or pulling yourself out of a masturbation rut.

Before she gets into techniques, however, she discusses anatomy, and for me, this is the biggest problem in the book. First, there are only two labeled diagrams in this book. They're both tiny, and the first one places the fourchette in the wrong spot (p. 16). Second, I've been a sex educator for many years, and have read a lot of guides without confusion. So if I'm reading along and thinking "Rectum? Does she really mean rectum? Maybe she means anus? Maybe the rectum has moved?" (e.g. p. 37) I tend to believe the clarity of the writing is at fault.

The tone of the writing is the main difference between Getting Off and its predecessors. The tone may suit you, or may not. It is frank and playful. It is also self-consciously arch in a way I found occasionally excruciating: "John Lennon may have been a dreamer, and he's not the only one, but not every woman devotes time and attention to her imagination" (p. 162). It actually made me groan out loud.

Even with its faults, it's not a bad book. If you want to learn how get yourself off or just expand your horizons, it's well worth your time to pick Getting Off up off the shelf, take a browse, and see if it suits your fancy.

Every year, since 2000, the Venus Envy Bursary Fund has given two women in Nova Scotia each a $1000 bursary. The bursary is awarded based primarily on need but also community involvement and other criteria. Starting in 2008, the bursary will be open to all women and trans people studying in Nova Scotia at any level of education. You can find an application at: www.venusenvy.ca/bursary

We raise funds by selling pride bracelets and Venus Envy t-shirts at the store. We also donate 5% of in-store sales on the first Monday of each month. Or, you can mail us a cheque payable to the Venus Envy Bursary Fund...thanks!

Any questions about the bursary fund can be forwarded to halifax@venusenvy.ca

Coconut Grove(Blowers @ Grafton, above Pizza Corner)
Feb. 16: 9pm-2am

Whether you have a love-on or hate-on for Valentine's Day, you can get yer heart on Saturday, February 16th at The Grove. Join us for a fabulous evening of babes, boogying and broken hearts. Simon Thibault, DJ Ro and DJ OK will you keep you shaking it all night long.

Tickets are available $6 advance at Venus Envy or $8 at the door.

Originally from Toronto, "Jimmie" brings her most recent series entitled, "You Were Here" to Venus Envy.

"The works are large, silk screened and on board with the sides blowtorched... Nostalgia is at the heart of Sepulis' diverse artistic expressions independent of their subject matter...They are also literally out of time, there time has been spent — it has lapsed. It is gone forever except in the work where it lives forever."
—Echo Magazine 2007

Mar. 1-31
http://candacesepulis.com

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