Ottawa store (613) 789-4646

Over the next few months we'll be trying out a new program at Venus Envy to help reduce the number of bags our customers use. When you refuse a bag at VE, you'll get 1% off the total of your order before taxes. We know that 1% isn't a whole lot of money but it's free money and we want to remind people that a bag is optional and to thank the people who think ahead and bring their own bags.
Starts May 7th, 2007 at both Venus Envy locations.

Some secrets are better left behind.

Five years ago, Sam O’Connor’s sister Chloe died in New York, just another accidental overdose at the Chelsea Hotel. But now, Sam finds out from a stranger that she was not told the truth about her sister’s death. No one knows why Chloe was at the Chelsea Hotel that night, but she died of a gunshot wound, not an accidental overdose. She was in New York investigating a political conspiracy that had become an obsession in the months leading up to her death. ‘Coincidence?’ the stranger asks, ‘Think about it…’.

Sam tries not to think about it, but she has to find out why Chloe died. She picks up her sister’s life where Chloe left off, retracing her last days in Montreal, Toronto, Detroit and New York. Sam finds more questions than answers from the people Chloe left behind, including her criminal ex-lover, Omar, and her old roommate, Romey, a beautiful but troubled woman who knows far more than she is willing to tell. In searching for the sister Sam thought she knew, Sam must confront some difficult truths about Chloe, and about herself.

Also readings by Ottawa favorites, Megan Butcher and Jennifer Whiteford!
May 16th
8pm at Venus Envy
320 Lisgar Street
free!

The one and only Midori will be returning this fall to Venus Envy Ottawa to give three great workshops. Mark September 15th, 16th and 17th on your calendar and check in online or in the store over the next few weeks to see what sexy workshops Midori will be offering this time around.

Girl Meets Girl: A Dating Survival Guide
By Diana Cage
New York: Alyson Books, 2007. 181pp

Reviewed by: Shannon L. D. Pringle

Diana Cage is hip and has her finger on the pulse of queer culture, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to review her hot-off-the-press book Girl Meets Girl: A Dating Survival Guide. As a self-described "high femme lesbian", a sex and dating enthusiast, the editor of Velvet Park: Dyke Culture in Bloom magazine, and the former editor of the now discontinued On Our Backs magazine, Diana Cage approaches dyke culture from the vantage point of a participant as well as an observer. She wrote her latest book to speak to what she sees as her community, and her enormous passion and pride for dyke culture is evident on every page. However, her enthusiasm does not prevent her from to pointing out this culture's own history of bi-phobia, trans-phobia, and boundary policing, or from acknowledging the difficulties of living and loving in a society that largely views queerness and queer sexuality as deviant.

During the writing of the book, Cage crisscrossed the U.S. to interview dykes about "sex, dating, and relationships" (viii) and relocated from the west coast queer Mecca of San Francisco to the east coast queer Mecca of Brooklyn, N.Y. Regardless of what state she was in, amongst the actively dating queer population, Cage found what she calls "the new queer frontier" (viii). Dykes are rewriting all of the old rules, deconstructing the lesbian community and rebuilding it in ways that reflect how they want to live and love (viii-ix). Dyke culture has entered into a new wave. Transgendered individuals, who have historically been shunned by the lesbian community, were welcomed, a postmodern butch-femme aesthetic had emerged that defied gender role assumptions, and identity politics were of little concern. Girl Meets Girl is both a great dating guide and a slice of contemporary dyke culture for those just coming out, those who live the life, and anyone who is just plain curious.

Before Cage launches into the finer points of dyke dating, she addresses a number of important topics: the use of language and labels, lesbian relationship myths, and the importance of self-esteem. The use of language and labels is a sticky issue in queer culture as there are multiple genders, identities, and a plethora of terms to describe them -- most of which mean different things to different people. I echo Diana Cage's resistance to assigning labels, yet at the same time, as she notes, you need a language to communicate (x). So I shall take my cues from her in my review and use the terms that she finds in her community to differentiate between the genders and identities within dyke culture (ix-x). There are a number of myths around dyke relationships that serve as fodder for many jokes and perpetuate stereotypes. Cage takes the opportunity to debunk a few of the classics, namely "the u-haul syndrome", "the lesbian bed-death syndrome", "bi-girls are just experimenting and will leave you for a man syndrome" and "who wears the strap-on syndrome" (6-11). Self-esteem as it relates to dating and sex is a recurring theme in Cage's books, and she notes that self-esteem is particularly complicated when you are queer, as you are always confronted with a majority culture that often doesn't understand or respect how you date or fall in love (12). However, high self–esteem is important to surviving the inevitable rejection that comes along with dating, so if you find your self-esteem wavering, consider examining things that you can to do to boost it to help ensure a positive dating experience.

Perhaps the most important chapter for anyone new to dyke culture is the chapter on gender. Gender identity is complex, and has a lot do with the way people have sex, who they want to date, and how they want to dress (40). Many female-bodied individuals do not experience their bodies as female. This is an important concept to grasp especially if you are attracted to male-identified dykes, genderqueers or transgendered individuals. For some though, gender may seem irrelevant if both partners in a relationship have female bodies and experience their bodies as female or if someone thinks of their body as androgynous, neither specifically female of male (37-38). Cage briefly introduces some gender theory in an accessible fashion and provides excellent working definitions of terms that are often heard in dyke culture like genderqueer, FTM, and butch-femme. Latter in the chapter on sex she revisits gender identity in terms of how it relates to actually having sex in the section titled "Some Tips for Sex with Boys of the Female Variety". This section goes along way towards improving sexual communication, regardless of how you identify. She begins with: "Gender and sex can be sensitive topics but they don't have to be skirted around. It's OK to say to someone, 'How do you like to be touched?'" She finishes with: "Let your bed be a safe space for your lover. Bed is where you both get to be whatever the hell you want. Remember all the tips depend on the person---don't forget to ask what your partner prefers (122)".

Getting down to the business of dating, Cage encourages good common dating sense: establish some idea of what you desire in a date, establish your boundaries, establish your "deal breakers", avoid putting yourself on the dating market when you are not in an emotional place to date, (i.e. you have just gone through a hard break up) and to be wary of dating the newly single. Girl Meets Girl has many ideas about places to meet other queers beyond the bar/club scene, and an extensive section on dating in the age of online dating services and social networking sites like Myspace. Contemporary dyke culture has taken online dating to a whole new level, connecting queers all over the world and in many cases giving a sense of community to people in both urban and rural areas. As Facebook, the latest social networking site, sweeps the country there are many useful pointers to heed if you want to avoid having your dating dramas plastered over the Internet.

"Flirting is social lubricant", says Cage and it is essential for getting dates (81). Once you have found someone you want to date, whether in person or online, it is time to strike up a conversation, put your flirting skills to the test, and ask them out. This is easier said than done. Regardless of how we identify, if we were raised female in our society, we were most likely raised with "zero vocabulary" (84) for asking anyone out or "initiating sex" (84). Somebody must make the first move, though, and if you an approach people with confidence half the dating battle is over. It is also important that you both realize that you are on a date, so be specific with your language. It should go without saying but good grooming is essential for successful dating and Cage recommends that first dates have a grooming ritual all their own. Bathe before your date, dress with style, and pay attention to your hands, as they will be one of the first things your date will notice (96). In dyke culture, short fingernails are a must! Queer style and fashion are whole topics unto themselves and Cage includes a few pieces on how dykes use clothing and accessories to signify their queerness, the kind of queer they are, and to convey their personal style.

A Diana Cage book wouldn't be complete without a chapter or two on sex. She gives an brief overview of some of the many creative ways dykes have sex, from cunnilingus, strap-on sex, finger-banging, fisting, silicone blow jobs to basic sex toys every dyke needs and tips on how to "pack". "Queer sex is as varied as queer fashion, gender and everything else" says Cage (115). The kind of sex you have will depend on what you are into, what kind of queer you are and what kind of queer you are having sex with (115). It is common for people to make assumptions about the kind of sex you engage in based on your gender presentation, but as Cage reminds us all, "Gender presentation does not accurately reflect a person's sexual proclivities (46).

Cage wraps up Girl Meets Girl with some advice on how to minimize what she calls "dyke drama" and how to date responsibly. Queer communities are small and the people in them are often connected to each other within one or two degrees of separation. If you participate in the queer culture of your area, you will most likely date those who your friends may have dated at one time or another. Sometimes positive dating experiences lead to relationships and Cage moves from "dyke drama" to muse as to whether polyamory is dead and touches lightly on how to be in a relationship. Of course, some dating experiences and relationships are negative. She includes sections on "Breakups Happen", "How to Tell if Your Date is a Jerk" and "20 Red Flags". The latter two are sure signs to stop waste you time on a date and some signs it is time to leave an abusive relationship. Girl Meets Girl arms its readers with some sound dating advice and encourages readers to create the ways they want to live and love. Go forth and date!

Divergence Movie Night presents
"Muxes: Authentic,Intrepid, Seekers of Danger"

"A lively and surprising portrait of a group of homosexuals who defend their sexual diversity while preserving their identity as Zapotec Indians in the "queer paradise" of Juchitán, Mexico. Muxes focuses on a dozen "intrepid" muxes who, since the mid-70s, have been more aggressive in ensuring that they are a visible part of the daily life of the town rather than an accepted one. In a country where machismo prevails, this is all the more difficult for those that fall "in-between." "

June 26th
Doors 7pm, movie 7:30pm at Club SAW, 67 Nicholas
Free admission, $5 suggested donation.
flyer: http://www.thetastates.com/dmn/

June 6-16
Magnetic North Theatre Festival celebrates its’ fifth anniversary with award winning productions from Vancouver to Halifax. Through the Magnetic North Theatre Festival, Canadians are treated to the best of English theatre from across Canada. This national theatre festival features some of the most exciting contemporary Canadian theatre touring today. The artistic vision is one of excellence, inclusiveness, diversity and creative development. MNTF provides a forum to celebrate Canadian theatre and an opportunity for Canadian theatre companies to market their work on the national and international stage.
Please visit our website for more details www.magneticnorthfestival.ca

Althea Knight, is an intuitive artist, educator, and well-being facilitator who paints because it’s a way to express that which emanates from soul. Althea uses symbols from the collective consciousness, spiritual and healing practices and interplays them in a way that creates her own visual vocabulary. Her pieces are powerful and full of dynamic activism. Althea’s work can be termed transformative as it deals with healing and a higher state of consciousness. Passionate about healing, Althea believes that true health begins when we practice that which nourishes our mind, body, and soul. Everything we do, the people we surround ourselves with, the thoughts we hold and the ideas we believe in contribute to our well-being. Practice that which uplifts. You deserve nothing less. And remember that as we heal ourselves, we heal those around us and the precious earth we live on for All is One.
Althea has exhibited in Toronto for the Human Rights through Art Show for the Canadian Human Rights Commission; in Ottawa for The Nádasdy Foundation Arts and Environment Fundraiser and the Rwandan Genocide 10th year Commemoration. She has had solo exhibits at Soupçon in Wakefield and The Black Tomato in Ottawa; and participated in group shows in the Ottawa Gatineau area. Her work can be found in collections in Rome, London, New York, San Francisco, Atlanta, Toronto, Montreal, and Ottawa.
Her work will be hung May 7th and the opening will be Thursday, May 10th from 7-9pm. She hopes to see you there.

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