Will you be my bootytine?

By Luna Matatas

Are you planning on seducing the butt this Valentine’s Day? For some people anal sex is a way to celebrate special occasions and for others it’s a part of their regular sex menu. Whether you’re just visiting the booty or you’re BFFs with it, here are some tips for making the most of your anal pleasure:

Surprise anal sex is not a thing. 

Surprise flowers or chocolate - yes. It might be a hot fantasy or a porn scene to see someone approach a person’s butthole and immediately thrust into it. In real life, consenting to anal sex is important. In addition to consent, anal preparation and warming up is the best way to approach anal pleasure. The anus needs seduction to give the body time to relax and benefit from the increased blood flow that happens during arousal. Unprepared anal sex can cause injury to the rectum.

Communicate your butt sex fantasy with your partner in a way that is focused on sharing desires and not necessarily on obligation. Your partner might want time to think about it or research some techniques. Talk about:

• Who’s the giver? Who’s the receiver?
• What have previous anal sex experiences been like?
• Do they play with their own ass during masturbation?
• What kinds of things might they be worried about? (e.g. poop, pain)
• What kinds of things excite them about anal sex? (e.g. intimacy, pegging, analgasms, rimming)

Anal training IS a thing. 

If you’re planning on receiving anal sex, your butthole needs to be trained over time to adapt to larger penetration. The anus has both muscle and tissue, that when warmed up and well-lubricated, will usually relax and begin to expand. 

Getting to know your own butthole will give you a sense of your pace of pleasure, what sensations feel good and what feels like too much. You can use your fingers during masturbation (be sure to use lube, trim your nails and get the body aroused first) or explore with beginner butt sex toys like small butt plugs, anal beads and prostate massagers. It’s great to get an anal training kit so you can continue to increase the size of butt plug as you get more comfortable. Go slow. Be patient. Honour your body’s responses like pain, soreness or discomfort. 

How to clean your ass for anal sex. 

If you’re getting cute for your Valentine’s date then you might want to get you butthole cute too! Whether you trim or shave your buttcrack is totally your preference. Most people are concerned about feces during anal sex. 

Typically anal hygiene prep can start after your last bowel movement and before you have sex. It is a butt - so it does have a shit day job. Will your partner leave you if there’s some poop during anal? Probably not. It might be embarrassing but you can prepare by keeping a towel nearby or unscented wipes for easy clean up. 

You do not need solutions or extensive douching for anal sex preparation. Here are some healthy anal sex prep options:

• For external cleaning, wash your butthole in the shower, use a mild and gentle soap.
• For internal cleaning, try an enema bulb with warm water. This will flush out any particles that were left behind after your last bowel movement. 
• Be hydrated, know the foods that upset your stomach and eat a fibre-full diet on a regular basis. 

When you have anal sex, the sensations sometimes feel like you’re having a bowel movement and this can cause the receiver to worry and tense up. If you’re the giver - reassure your partner that unless you invite them to go freshen up during sex, they don’t have to worry that they are shitting on you.

Anal sex hygiene.

If you’re alternating fingers or sex toys between vaginas and anuses, make sure you’re keeping butt stuff in the butt. The bacteria in the anus is unique and can cause a disruption of the natural bacteria in the vagina. 

Either use condoms on sex toys and switch off condoms before entering a new hole or designate certain toys for each hole. For fingers, consider using latex or nitrile gloves. 

Seducing the butt. 

When your body gets aroused, you get an increase in blood flow, especially to erogenous zones. There are a ton of nerve endings on the butthole. The tissue around the butthole swells and expands during arousal - allowing for the nerve endings to be more receptive to pleasure and for the muscles to relax to allow penetration. 

Start with the sexy things you and your partner already enjoy, whether that’s oral sex or kissing or spanking or other things. Get super aroused and then lube up some fingers and start to rub in-between the butt cheeks. Assure your partner that penetration will only happen when they say so, so they can relax and enjoy the sensations of your lubed-up knuckles and fingers against your butthole without feeling rushed. Then you have other butt seduction options:

• Rimming - eating ass
• Use a strong vibrator against the perineum to stimulate the nerve endings there 
• Use a rounded, curved vibrator against the butthole

Anal pleasure doesn’t have to involve penetration. Avoid assumptions and check in with your partner about what kinds of things feel good. If they are new to penetration, encourage them to control the depth and pace of penetration onto fingers, penises or sex toys. 

Let lube be your love language. 

Romance the anus with good quality lube. The anus isn’t self-lubricating, so it needs something long-lasting like silicone lube or a thick water-based lube. Remember to re-apply lube after you’ve thrusted fingers,penises, dildos or butt plugs inside. 

Some pain and discomfort can be solved by having enough lube, but sometimes discomfort is a sign the butthole has had enough for the night. Pushing past pain can cause injury, both physical and emotional. 

If Valentine’s Day is the first time you’re trying anal sex, set your expectations to curiosity and pleasure. Sometimes you’re in the mood and the butt isn’t, so instead enjoy flirting with the anus, getting playful with your partner, lower the expectations and focus on enjoying the exploration of a new erogenous zone!