I'm afraid I have no simple answers because while the penis may be easy to replicate synthetically, its function isn't. And while these devices are pricey compared to your average dildo, as Vlad Wolanyk, a community resource worker from Sherbourne Health Centre says, "Considering the costs of real medical prosthetics, this is actually not expensive." From the research I've done, it looks like these are, for now anyway, your best options.

Clearly you're willing to make compromises and improvise a bit - maybe a price that better suits your budget would make these products more appealing? I asked Wolanyk about an employee health plan possibly covering the prosthetic. He brought the issue up at the office and this is what he came back with: "If a prosthetic is deemed medically necessary, some employee health benefits will cover it, including breast implants post mastectomy."

In other words, if a woman feels that she needs implants in order to feel like a woman, there is a possibility that her implants will be covered by her health insurance. The right doctor producing the right letter could argue that you require this prosthetic in order to feel like a man.

"I'm not saying that the insurance company would approve it," says Vlad, "but that would be the long shot." So if you want to try to save some money, your first course of action is a job with health insurance, then a trans-positive doctor. Like I said, no simple answers.

I'd love to appraise one for you personally (and I have made requests). But I'll be honest, William, given the cost of both the items you've linked to - up to US$700 for a Lola.Jake model and €1,209 (roughly $1,965) for a Tyron 2 - along with the fact that they are produced by small, independent companies, I'll likely never see one of these things in person unless I bang someone who's already got one. So let me just be fucking blunt: any trannies with a Tyron 2 and/or a Lola.Jake model interested in letting me have a ride? I'll throw in a reasonably priced dinner and some sparkling conversation to sweeten the pot.

In terms of dealing with the chafing labia situation, the only thing I can think of is for you to wear a pair of underwear made of a more slick material. Yes, I am telling you to go to Church Street and get yourself a pair of PVC briefs, though not, for god's sake, the ones with the zipper up the front.

Many years ago I spoke to Turtle Island Recycling about this very issue and after a Candid Camera-style phone interview ("You wanna recycle what? Har, har! Oh you're serious? Hang on I have got to get my boss, he will just die. HEY FELLAS LISTEN TO THIS!"), they said they would do it.

Whether or not that was actually the case, they no longer do. Ivan, the corporate compliance manager at Turtle Island elaborates: "If a dildo manufacturer messed up a batch, you know, if they were bent the wrong way or the head was on the wrong end, we would consider them to have scrap value because I would have a large quantity of items of the same composition that I could offer someone."

Ivan says one problem in recycling sex toys is that from manufacturer to manufacturer, the materials are often slightly different and this impacts how they can be recycled afterwards. Additionally he notes, "They don't have big box stores for those items, like the LCBO where they have an infrastructure in place to take care of recycling their bottles. That same infrastructure doesn't exist for the dildo industry. If the average person consumed, say, 500 pounds of dildos a year, well then maybe we'd have that infrastructure."

Still, there are a lot of people who have a lot of sex toys and when they conk out, what's a perv to do if they don't want to just chuck it out?

One excellent option I've found is out of the States. David Kowalsky is the president and CEO of a company called Dreamscapes, which began offering a wide-ranging sex toy-recycling program in late 2008 that is open to anyone, anywhere and is available to retailers and manufacturers as well.

"In regard to the mixed-material components, all materials are broken down then repurposed or recycled," Kowalsky says. "[People] should be aware that numerous recycling centres repurpose or reuse mixed materials, especially rubber and silicone. On a side note, most of the products that we receive are either TPR [thermoplastic rubber], latex rubber or silicone, which are all recyclable."

You'll be happy to know that Dreamscapes was thoroughly audited and scrutinized in regard to their environmental standards as well as their recycling procedures. As a result, says Kowalsky, "Dreamscapes' environmental and recycling practices scored as one of the highest ever certified by the Institute for Green Business."