It doesn't sound like he's made any promises to be your ever-loving BF but, still, if he is seeing you and other ladies, then yeah, he's a tacky dick for canoodling (yes, I just used that odious term but it's totally appropriate given the odious circumstances) with other ladies when you're over at his house. I will admit unfriending you is an uncharacteristic move for a tacky dick (like, doesn't he want to continue building your insecurity through his inexhaustible harem of eager women?) but other than that, I don't see any mixed messages. What he's saying is crystal clear: "I need a lot of attention from women and I need everyone to know I get a lot of attention from women. You should run screaming from me like my eyeballs are made of dead frogs."

Do not take his actions as a challenge, Freakout, a testament to how desirable he is and how lucky you'd be to land him. Trust me, there is nothing in there worth unearthing—not at the moment, anyway. And consider yourself lucky Facebook exists, as it provides an irresistible forum for boys like this to expose themselves. Back in my day you had to rely on nascent instincts, a few frosty scenes with hair-flicking girls in bars and chlamydia to know you were dating a narcissistic cad. I would just dump him, or at least wise up to what he is.

Get on www.fetlife.com and go to the section that includes events in Toronto. FetLife is effortless to join and was obviously created by people who have been online and in the fetish community forever. Best of all, it assumes that people will behave themselves and doesn't come at you out of the gates with all kinds of high-handed, overwrought ethics and philosophies about BDSM. If you can get past the occasional flame war scorched with purple prose, it's a great place to start.

I asked local members for advice and got some really encouraging feedback. Trancer said this: "Look at the website www.ehbc.ca/calendar and investigate the local munches. To find a dominant woman, they could go the ladies and submissive males munch on the first Tuesday of each month at 7pm at the Groundhog Pub in the downstairs lounge at 401 Bloor E. It is friendly and well run. They give a talk each month on a BDSM F/M topic and then have mingle time where we get up and walk around and meet new people."

People in the BDSM community, while often supremely dorky, are fucking sweethearts and very generous with their knowledge and resources. I don't think you'll have any trouble meeting new pals, though Trancer does warn to be patient about your personal interest—dominant women are in high demand in this community.

Fill out a profile and join groups that appeal to your interests—there are literally dozens of them. Do some public posting in a few groups about topics you're into so people will get to know you. Most importantly, make some online friends who will offer you tips and advice. Look over all the profiles in your area and send private messages to the members who pique your interest. Trancer, who has found success using a combination of these strategies, adds, "They have to go with what they would be most comfortable with." I'm excited for you! I think you're about to embark on a thrilling new chapter of your life as a couple and, as far as I can see, FetLife will be an excellent springboard.